Last week’s Leadership Journal email contained links to two articles on this theme, but with contrasting titles: “Unproductive” Visits by Scott Penner and Effective Hospital Visits by Chris Blumhofer. That contrast between ‘unproductive’ and ‘effective’ comes close for ministers sometimes. We want our visits to be effective, but often they feel unproductive.
For someone like me, a constitutional introvert, the way in which many visits centre on small talk (which is not one of my strong suits) rather than God revealing a way through a pastoral problem can be difficult. The thought of pastoral visiting and bearing the load of people’s problems put me off candidating for the ministry for a long time. A course in Pastoral Counselling had taken my fears away. Unfortunately, I have found in ministry that few visits are like that. Rarely is there the pulse-racing sense of God at work in the visit. They are, well, ordinary. Humdrum, if you will. I hope it’s not that I want to be a hero, riding with the cavalry across the brow of the hill. But I do want to witness the Holy Spirit’s work.
Yet I have discovered that from time to time God is at work in the ‘ordinary’ visit. Sometimes, however, we only know that in retrospect. Here is a story about one such example.
Two weeks ago, Rosemary died. All the time I have known her, she had been in the advanced stages of that most wicked condition, Alzheimer’s Disease. The first time I visited her in the home, I knew it was going to be hard. I tried talking to her about the photographs and mementoes that surrounded her. There was no reaction, except that she kept repeating two words: ‘Mum’ and ‘money.’
It was a difficult call for me to know when to end the visit. I talked about as much as I could. I told her news about people in the church. I spent some time in silence – well, my silence, while Rosemary continued saying ‘Mum’ and ‘money.’ It was a balance between feeling the visit was worthwhile, and not feeling that I was trying to escape quickly from an awkward situation. So eventually, I told her I was going to leave. But could I pray with her before I went?
Out of nowhere came the words, ‘Of course you can, love.’
I prayed, and she was quiet. Once I concluded the prayer, back came ‘Mum’ and ‘money.’ But for a couple of special minutes, the original Rosemary – whom I had never known – peered out from under the blanket of dementia.
Last Tuesday, I had the privilege of conducting her funeral. I told this story. It was a comfort to the relatives and friends. It even brought a laugh on a sad occasion. One flash of grace from a difficult visit a couple of years ago ministered peace to people last week. Yes, God had been at work in a ‘routine’ visit.
Technorati Tags: pastoral, ScottPenner, ChrisBlumhofer, Alzheimer’sDisease
Big Circumstance 
Thanks for sharing that story.
I believe that God is everywhere and that sometimes the lesson to be learned is how to see him in what appears to us to be the mundane.
I spent yesterday evening and a good part of today sitting with a family who are watching a loved one die. I probably spent a total of 15 to 20 minutes during that whole time praying but I know God was there the whole time – whilst we were having mundane conversations and laughing and joking. A last act of ‘communion’ for a dear Christian brother, husband, father and grandfather passing from this life.
If anyone were suggest that the ‘non praying’ part of the visit had been ‘wasted'[1] I could probably happily wallop them at the moment. Although I’m not sure what the ‘non praying’ part was because I’m still praying for the family.
[1] I don’t think you’re saying that but I think I’ve been in conversations recently that I felt might be in agreement with this view.
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Hope in the midst of despair- thank you for posting this Dave.
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Pam, Sally,
Thanks for your comments. And Pam, you’re right, I wasn’t talking about wasted visits. It was more about personality.
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It was more about personality.
Sorry, I think I was ‘answering’ some objections recently to the effect that ministerial pastoral visiting is by and large a waste of time.
I find pastoral visiting somewhat difficult and costly too. (I’m totally shattered after this weekend and will still need to do another visit today with the same people) In one of my churches, I’m following a minister who seems to have spent 20 to 30 hours a week visiting and almost being a part of people’s care packages. Not only am I up against what are for me very difficult expectations, but I don’t think I’m visiting well because I’m probably visiting the people who are complaining the loudest (or whose relatives are complaining the loudest).
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Pam,
I never took it as criticism. I too would be very wary of becoming part of people’s ‘care package’. I think it reinforces the unhealthy and immature dependecy attitude on the minister exhibited by some congregations. (And in the case of those ministers who revel in such a relationship, an even worse co-dependency.)
I have been criticised by some past churches for not visiting enough, and to some extent those criticisms have been valid. What they would not have understood was that for an introvert who values solitude, when I am depleted of energy and feeling low, a more extravert function of ministry such as visiting suffers. Nevertheless, 20 to 30 hours a week of visiting is surely excessive and unhealthy. on a six-day working week, that’s up to 5 hours a day – ridiculous. What was your predecessor neglecting, I wonder? Probably something to which you are giving the proper attention, I would imagine.
I think I have said before on the blog that we had a Pastoralia tutor who told us we should visit five people every day. If they weren’t in, they didn’t count towards the five. He anticipated us spending twenty minutes with each person, which makes for a pretty useless visit in my estimation. He also told us that our ministries would be judged by our people on the strengths of our visits. I think that judgment on such grounds is common, but to a considerable extent it is regrettable. Of course people have pastoral needs, and of course often it should be the minister who responds. But it is part of a spiritually adolescent fantasy in which churches expect ministers to be private chaplain, vicarious evangelist and many other things.
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Hi Dave
I feel like a bit of an idiot but i have often wondered how you manage to write a sermon each week as well as you do..(it takes me weeks to write a good essay!), as well as attend meetings ,conduct funerals etc, attend courses etc..and spend quality time with your family.On top of all this i cant imagine where you are supposed to find time to visit so many people!..I can understand that there are times when visits are much needed and important to an individual and their family especially when people are very ill or dying..but i am astounded by stories like that of your friend’s where the minister was expected to visit 20-30 hours a week!
I feel i may be a bit ignorant but i always thought that pastoral visitors were there to help you reduce the load when it came to visiting..(i hope this isnt taken the wrong way by anyone)..My pastoral visitor is wonderful and i feel i have been supported through some hard times by her. At the same time i know that you are there if i need to talk and i feel supported by that knowledge. I dont need a visit from you for 20 minutes every week to know you care!!
At the same time …please know you are welcome anytime (although my mental state on the day will determine whether you get a cup of tea!!!!!) The final point i would like to make is when you do make a visit, even if you are introverted and cant find the words to say..it helps just by being there…i know that from personal experience (both as a recipient and in my former job as a nurse)…Hope i’ve worded this ok and not said the wrong thing
Paula
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Paula,
One thing you’re not is an idiot – how on earth did you get on that degree course?! As your post shows, you are kind and caring. And yes, you have had excellent support from your pastoral visitor.
My true feelings about the expectations on my friend Pam are pretty unrepeatable. I think your assessment of the balance of the situation in Methodism is better than what she is facing.
As for how I juggle responsibilities, there is a lot I could say, but let me be brief: (1) Now you know why, with small children, I didn’t want superintendent ministry! (2) Although I work maybe from 9 am to 10-11 pm, I pace myself and do family things at intervals throughout the day. (3) As the late Don English told his students, ‘The ministry is about calculated neglect’!
Right – must help Debbie bath the kids now!
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Just to thank you Dave for that post. Plenty of meat for consideration there.
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Just one comment.
Sermons and services and bible studies, etc., take a lot of time to prepare.
Preaching weekly is not the same as preaching fortnightly and the latter is actually a lot easier.
People seem to think that ministers can talk about any subject at a split second’s notice. I get the impression that many people think that we prepare our services ‘in our free time’ and that it takes an hour or two.
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Paul,
Thank you for the kind words.
Pam,
You’re so right about sermon and service preparation. I think Bonhoeffer said that every sermon took him an average of twelve hours’ preparation. I have known others even say that one minute in the pulpit needs one hour in the study. When I do speak off the cuff, I might have some idea of the topic or passage, but I will waffle and may well be unsure of my destination. Sermon prep is also much more like a creative assignment than an essay. Sometimes you’re in the study, ostensibly working on it, but you have to flit to something else while it stews in the brain. Observers may think you are idling, but that is far from the case.
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